We are social creatures. It is completely normal that we have a need to belong and a need to be held in high regard. So let me ask you. What do you do when it comes to giving someone on your team feedback that you think will upset them? How’s that for a loaded question? False kindness defined: Not having a needed performance conversation because you do not want to upset the person. If we really care about our teams then we want them to developing their skills and knowledge. Not pointing things out as needed is a kind of giving up on them. That’s not so helpful is it? It doesn’t show you care about your team’s growth either does it? When your team does not grow chances are that your business will not grow either. The opportunity is to learn to talk to your team members in a way that minimizes defensiveness. No one likes to hear that they are not doing well at something. Understood! Will it be better to wait another 6 months before telling them? Likely not! What is helpful is to discuss the situation without making it personal. No accusations or drama needed but just discuss the facts as you know them. You can begin a conversation then and start to assess the person’s willingness to be coached. You can be very diplomatic and still have an upset team member. Really though is there any longevity with a team member who cannot accept that they could improve or adjust their performance….even just a little? What does it say for someone who acts as if they are flawless in all they do? What does it say about someone who acts as it the many things they do brilliantly gives them the right to go unchallenged when there are errors, inefficiency or complaints? It is not pleasant when people avoid you because they are angry with you. Yes, they are angry at the person who is providing feedback but that is not a good reason to shirk your responsibility as a Manager. What can be helpful is to set the context of the conversation. Not all work conversations are fun but not having difficult conversations at all can be very damaging kind of false kindness.

Feeling appreciated and that we are making a difference is a basic need and essential for employee engagement and retention. Of course, if there is enough money involved people might stick around but will they really care about your business? I suspect not! There are different ways of expressing appreciation. We will likely respond to one of the following four: acknowledgement, time, services or gifts. This comes from the book: The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace written by Gary Chapman and Paul White. In the book they also discuss physical affection but that is far too sensitive a topic for a variety of reasons and so I do not recommend it. Acknowledgement: Some team members are quite visibly moved by genuine words of praise and acknowledgment. To make this impactful ensure your comments are detailed and specific. A perfunctory “nice job” said while rushing past to get to your next meeting isn’t very effective. If we want our words to have an emotional impact then detail on the impact of their efforts helps a great deal. Time: Have you noticed that some of your team members brighten at the opportunity to speak with you at length? That need for face time is letting you know that is what’s needed to feel appreciated. We all have deadlines and need to keep efficiency levels high but truly work IS about relationships. Some people really do equate time with caring. Have you ever heard the expression “He didn’t give me the time of day?” Gifts: A gift does not need to come wrapped in a bow to make a difference. I had an assistant who brightened whenever I picked up a coffee for her when I went out. Who is on the team that really likes the cookies you bring to your morning meetings? One boss would periodically find his favourite chocolate bar in his coat pocket when he was racing to the GO train. How did his team know he would like this? He made a point of bringing in surprise treats for them. Service: Others on your team might really like it when you do something for them such as offering to stay a little later when they are swamped. Still others will enjoy a surprise like coming out to their car and finding the snow has been cleared off for them. Note this is about helping out and not rescuing or taking over tasks that properly belong to others. So how can you tell which will of the four will make the most impact? Well, what do they tend to do for you? Alternatively you can ask them directly. I have always received an immediate answer to the question. We all know what we need from others to do our best. I don’t have time to keep track of what everybody wants. My job is to get the job done. Yup! Question is do you want to make your job harder or easier? As an effective team leader you will be doing all four of these anyways so is this really something onerous? My boss doesn’t do anything for me. And if everyone else jumped off the cliff, would you? As leaders we are buffers ,be it from senior management, other departments or even customers which is why we can set the tone for our teams. Ultimately how we treat our teams is how they interact with one another. Providing recognition and appreciation in a meaningful way improves people’s sense of belongingness and satisfaction. As far as I am concerned employee appreciation is always in season! What are your thoughts?